iGiveYouPower

So I whipped up my first iPhone / iPod Touch application. While I knew it would make it rather complicated right away, I wanted to create something useful and that gives the user all the power. Fortunately, I think I succeeded, so today I am proud to show you an early version of iGiveYouPower.

More details to follow.

Blast from the past: Scamming The Scammer

While it never quite got the exciting ending I had hoped for, I recently found my article Scamming the Scammer from 2006 again, originally posted in one of the previous iterations of this blog. Take a 5 minute break and enjoy the read, gentlefolks. Originally posted Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006.

Selling items online can be a dangerous thing to do… Why? Well, there seem to be a lot of people out there who are either too damn lazy to actually work for their money, or they are just plain old stupid. Maybe both, who knows…

Anyway, as most of you here already know, I put my Sony VAIO Picturebook for sale a couple of weeks ago. It seems that a lot of people from Nigeria seem to be interested in devices like that…

Here’s my story of one of those scammers, who I tried to scam. That’s right, scam the scammers. Kinda Robin Hood, except less heroic. Follow me after the jump for the entire story…

It all starts with a nice email message, both written in dutch aswell as english. This, of course, can be perfectly explainable, since I have posted the item on a dutch website but refer to this website, which is in english (duh ). Too bad it was just a bit too obvious the dutch version was a machine translation. Not to mention the extremely crappy english version. Here’s the email message:

beste,
Dank voor het terugkrijgen van en het goedkeuren van mijn bod Ik ben Arch.Rev.Ezra Shimirit, kan u me het punt condition(New vertellen, oud, goed of slecht). Ik wil het punt voor onze takpastor in Ibadan, 23402, Nigeria kopen zodat wij kerk activities..I online meedelen en kunnen bespreken willen u me totale kosten plus het verschepen kosten via TPG aan het adres vertellen boven Ik kan u door paypal of bank aan bank betalen overdracht. nu terugkeer.
Reverend Ezra
dear ,
Thanks for getting back and accepting my bid.I am Arch.Rev.Ezra Shimirit,can you tell me the item condition(New,old,good or bad). I want to buy the item for our branch pastor in ibadan,23402,Nigeria so that we can communicate online and discuss church activities..I want you to tell me total cost plus shipping cost via TPG to the address above.I can pay you by paypal or bank to bank transfer .Get back now.
Reverend Ezra

Well, maybe he just started living in Holland, right? Oh wait, did he say Nigeria? Uhuh… Right, so since this is the third guy (from nigeria…) that is trying to get my picturebook without actually paying, I replied with a very subtle and clean email message:

Uhm… No.

Thinking this was pretty clear, I figured he would leave me alone. How wrong can one man be?

dear Dave,
May the peace of the lord be upon you and your household.Thanks for getting back and replying me.I seriousely want to buy this Item for my colleague.A reverend pastor in this country .Please tell me the total cost and shipping cost plus payment information for bank transfer or paypal soonest.
May the blood of Jesus cover you and your household.
Rev Ezra

Saywha? Blood of Jesus? What the f*ck? After (literally) laughing my ass of, I replied to him in a friendly and helpful way:

G’dam man! Why the hell do you want to cover my house with blood? You sick bastard!

While I was obviously making fun of the man, he just didn’t know how to give up… He replied to me, explaining in perfect english that it is some sort of christian prayer. Now I know why I’m not christian.

dear dave,
Is a prayer.This is how christian , it means the peace of the lord Jesus be with you.I am a catholic pastor.I am only praying for you.I am sorry.Can I still buy the notebook.
Rev .Ezra

You know, for a moment here, I actually started thinking he might be serious after all. exactly 0.2 seconds later I knew that this wasn’t possible. I mean, think about it; a nigerian christian pastor, walking around with a subnotebook while splattering blood all over the place… Yeah.

Anyway, I figured it would be fun to actually go along with the guy, so I played dumb and replied to him.

Dear Reverent Ezra,

I am sorry, I wasn’t aware of that. It just sounded a bit… awkward.

At first I thought you were trying to scam me, but it seems like you’re really interested in my picturebook. For my previous bad behavior, I want to offer you a special discount, $600. Shipping costs are already included. Can you please tell me where I have to ship it to? Once you have paid the $600 to my paypal account (email address: <my email address>) I will ship it using fast delivery, so your colleague can use it as soon as possible.

Thank you for your time, and sorry for my previous reply,

-Dave

Sounds perfect, right? Well, I got a response! This time it wasn’t directly from ‘reverend’ Ezra, no sir-ey! I got an email from PayPal with a payment confirmation! Well… something like that. Click here to open the PDF version. Note that when I received this email, my mail program marked it as spam…

Right after this email, I recieved yet another email from PayPal, telling me about some sort of new security measure. Bogus, of course, but pretty well thought of. Clicky for the PDF version (Sorry, I lost this one).

I send him an email message, thanking him for his fast ‘payment’, and explaining a small ‘problem’ to him. Supposedly, I don’t have enough money for the shipping, so I asked our dear Reverend to send me something up ahead, so I could ship the package right away.

Dear Rev. Ezra,

I just recieved an email message from paypal, saying that you already paid for the item! That’s great! Of course it will be put on hold until you receive the tracking information, I can understand that (you just want to make sure I’m not trying to scam you, I would do the same thing). Anyway, there’s just one small problem. Right now I’m pretty short on money, so I can’t spare the $60 required to pay for the shipping. Is it possible if you pay me this in advance? You can wire it to my paypal account (<my email address>) Then I can post the package tomorrow right away, so you’ll get the package as soon as possible!

I hope this isn’t a problem for you, since I really hope we can work this transaction out. I’ve already packed the sony for you!

Thanks in advance,

-Dave

And to top it off, I attached an image of the sony right next to a box with his address on it!

I can only imagine his smile on his face, thinking this was going oh-so smooth. He did have some problems with the advance payment, unfortunately…

dear Dave,
Thanks for getting back , may God be with you now and ever.I pray that you goal will be fulfilled this year.Actually I understand you quite well,when I read you mail,I though of how I can get the money fast to you other than through paypal because all payment I made regarding all auction have to be verified by paypal and as you can see.Even If I send the money to your account.You can’t collect it cause it won’t reflect until it get verified.This happens when my account was hacked.I am sorry,60 euro is a small money you can source and used on shipping to have 650 euro friend.May God crown your effort as you assist me on sending the notebook to my branch pastor.I am indebt to you greatly.
Yours In christ.
Reverend Ezra Shimirit.
I quite understand you.

Dang… So I replied yet again, explaining I really couldn’t get the $60 for shipping, and almost begging him to help me out, since I really wanted to sell it to him. Riiiight .

Dear Reverend Ezra,

I’m sorry, but I don’t think I really understand you. I really did try to get $60, but I recently had a lot of expenses and I’m all out of money. I only have a few bucks left that I have to use to get to work. This is one of the reasons that I am selling the Picturebook, so I can get some money.

I don’t really understand why you can’t send me the money via paypal? I can pay it back to you once your $650 is accepted, so you won’t have to pay more. You can send the money as a ‘donation’ via paypal, so then it’s instantly paid to me, and I promise I will pay it back to you once the $650 is accepted. I really want this to work out, since I really need the money, and I’m glad I can help you and your branch pastor. Please find a way to make this payment!

Yours faithfully,

-Dave

He replied yet again, telling me his paypal account recently got hacked (the monsters…), and that all his transactions are checked. Uhm, ohkay? What do I have to do with it? Just send me the damn money!

Dear Dave,
If I could I would have just sent it instantly to your account.Understand one thing.My account was hacked and I just got it back after paypal investigation and I lost so muh money.Paypal only restrict my sending online and verify all for me to make sure am not scam again until my account get clerified.Then I can send as donation or paypal to other paypal account directly.Dave, you can easily get 60euro from friends or family .Just tell them you need the bucks for something and you will pay back soonest tommorrow.Get back to me soon cos we have a service in some hours time and I won’t be here till late evening.

Reverend Ezra.

In my reply to his email, I told him once again that I had no way of getting the money. Funny thing is, you can clearly see his is getting somewhat frustrated, as his writing style has changed a lot. Oh, and the first sentence I used when I replied to this email was:

“I understand, it is terrible that there are people out there that hacked your account. I hate people like that…”

I just love insulting this guy indirectly .

Anyhow, we emailed a bit back and forth, resulting in him sending me an email yesterday, telling me he wants to send the money via Western Union. Ewww…

I replied to him once again, giving him my big thanks and asking what the hell western union is, and if it’ll work with my paypal account (remember? Playing the dumb guy here). Last monday I got a reply from him, asking me for my name and address. Uhm, no.

For a momeny I thought about using a fake address, so that I could hopefully get some sort of climax-closure to this story, but sadly, I did not. I emailed him this evening:

Dear Ezra,

Sorry for my late reply! But as you might have noticed, from the first email on I knew you were one of those scumbags trying to get a device from me without actually paying for it. Actually, you’re the third one in a row for the picturebook. all from nigeria, too. Your family has been quite busy huh?

Anyhow, I figured that if I kept going on about you sending money to me first, some sort of grey stuff inside your head should start working, telling you that I was actually trying to rip you off. Why? Because I grow sick and tired of you lazy ass dip-shits. Did you really think that I would fall for the nigerian reverend story? Come on man, even you should be able to come up with something better then that.

You really did crack me and my family up, with your ‘may you and your household be covered in the blood of jesus’. I mean, how the hell do you come up with this stuff? It’s fucking hilarious! Please, you really need to give me the website where you got that from, I just *have* to donate my picturebook to them.

Long story short: You’re an asshole. But you probably already knew that, else you would have been too busy actually working for your money, instead of trying to scam people online. Right?

So, I already spilled way to much time on you. As usual, I wish you all the bad things the internet can give you, and I’ll just pray to god (covered in His son’s blood, of course) that somebody might actually pay you a visit to –well, how shall I put this– kick you in the nuts. That is, if you actually *have* them.

Just to let you know, you’ll be the cover story of my website soon enough, so check out www.davejansen.com every once in a while to spot your fifteen minutes of fame.

Yours,

-Dave

Ps.: Just for fun, I sold the Picturebook today. And hey, guess what, the seller actually pays! Oh the wonders of life…

I think I kept it pretty nice, right? I also told him about his fame and fortune. No wait, no fortune after all. Ah well, can’t have it all, can we?

For you people interested in *cough* sending him an email or something, here are the full headers of one of the email messages:

From: biggie1@verizonmail.com
Subject: Re: Sony VAIO Picturebook
Date: March 20, 2006 5:22:00 PM GMT+01:00
To: <my email address>
Return-Path:
Delivered-To: 12-<my email address>
Received: (qmail 28824 invoked from network); 20 Mar 2006 17:20:18 +0100
Received: from webmail-outgoing.us4.outblaze.com (205.158.62.67) by ip-space.by.proserve.nl with SMTP; 20 Mar 2006 17:20:18 +0100
Received: from unknown (unknown [192.168.9.180]) by webmail-outgoing.us4.outblaze.com (Postfix) with QMQP id C301318024D8 for ; Mon, 20 Mar 2006 16:22:05 +0000 (GMT)
Received: by ws3-4.us4.outblaze.com (Postfix, from userid 1001) id 3963023EE5A; Mon, 20 Mar 2006 16:22:01 +0000 (GMT)
Received: from [67.151.233.210] by ws3-4.us4.outblaze.com with http for biggie1@verizonmail.com; Mon, 20 Mar 2006 11:22:00 -0500
X-Ob-Received: from unknown (205.158.62.86) by wfilter.us4.outblaze.com; 20 Mar 2006 16:22:01 -0000
Content-Disposition: inline
Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=”iso-8859-1″
Mime-Version: 1.0
X-Originating-Ip: 67.151.233.210
X-Originating-Server: ws3-4.us4.outblaze.com
Message-Id: <20060320162201.3963023EE5A@ws3-4.us4.outblaze.com>

Well, Ezra, I hope you’re reading this, and if so; Thanks! You really made me and my family laugh pretty good  .

And the lesson that I’ve learned? Never trust pastors online nigerian buyers…

Review: Deadgirl (2008)

So I was fortunate enough to witness Marcel Sarmiento’ latest creation called Deadgirl. What appeared to be an interesting horror movie (yeah, I know), turned out to be an.. well, how to put this.

It’s hard not to end up in completely ripping on the movie. I guess I liked the filmography, that’s something. For the rest, the characters were anything but believable, and if I understand this movie, literally all (american) teenagers are necrophiliacs, have no common sense and are, well, retarded.

The movie starts out normal enough with your usual 26 year old actors pretending to be 17, using the F-word more often than my colleague gargles his throat (and I tell you, that’s impressive), complete with shitty-ass hairdo’s and apparent need to constantly fondle your male friends. You know, the usual. Things quickly turn for the messed up, though.

When our two main ‘teens’ discover a living dead girl in the basement of an abandoned (mental?) hospital, things get freaky. Instead of, you know, calling the cops or, hell, bringing her to the hospital themselves, one of them decides to ‘keep’ her.

F***ed up bell ring numero uno, I guess.

The other guy starts whining like a little girl, and off they go on a discussion for about 5 minutes on why it’s a bad thing to do, but alas, it inevitably ends in them both doing exactly that; keep her.

F***ed up bell ring numero dos.

I called her ‘living dead girl’ before, because she’s still alive, but apparently can’t really get killed. How do you find out? Well, the first night alone, one of the guys raped the girl, and when she wouldn’t stop struggling, beat her until her neck broke. She didn’t die, though, and to prove that, he showed it to his friend by shooting her three times.

F***ed up bell rng numero tres, quatro, cinco and seis.

Why we didn’t turn off the movie at this time, I have no idea. Anywho, soon another friend joins in with seemingly no understanding of that what he’s doing, and later on in the movie two more guys ‘drop by’.

F***ed up bell ri– you know what, forget it.

The rundown; This movie is beyond ridiculous with no apparent meaning nor link to reality. Or I so to god hope not, or these (amerian?) teenagers are freaking screwed up. It’s a pathetic attempt to be unique, I highly recommend you do not watch this. You can thank me later.

Score: 2 (that’s out of 10, in case you were wondering)

IMDb | RottenTomatoes